# Artist introducing =newbands #art under review #disgraced journalist =ex-ukn reporter
Hi there. Thanks for joining me, Jojo Kingsley, your pingu-esque host-ess with the most-ess on this first ever edition of 'the art review'.
'the art review' is a gift from me to you under the assumption that you, ever the uncultured swine, have long-stopped going to gigs/ galleries/ fairly current sponsored events. Because you just don't have time, no of course not. Yet here you are again scrolling through for a bit of original inspiration. Well, it's time for a truth-bomb, my philistine friend. Take a seat, and listen to what I have to say....
You have all the originality of an un-updated cloud: your music taste reduced to a spotify algorithm, your aesthetic, a by-product of borrowed pinterest boards, and your 'taste in art' well, that's available for download... Harsh words? That's just the power of the T-bomb. Missing the authenticity of avante-garde? I'll put you out of your misery, okay? You've come to the right place. The pages of the following series represent a genuine labour of love. Here's how it works: I go out and shoot the breeze with up-and-coming artists so that you don't have to.
So it is in the spirit of community that I aim to 'mind the gap' between you and the cities' newest emerging talent. In a time of disposable music and art, 'the art review' will be a fully disposable publication. That's why I have hand picked only the most under-the-radar bands, the artists whose work is so cutting-edge they have reserved tomorrow's spot in the dustbin of history. With no legal standing, they will help 'the art review' be a fully disposable series; it will be entirely illustrated by anonymous and unaccredited online-gif creators; and entirely for an audience with the amassed collective memory of a semi-literate goldfish. And lastly, I have opted for the blog format rather than the trendy 'limited print' edition; making this series an art-type to be consumed as quickly as it will be forgotten (rather than 'collected' or, heaven-forbid, 'treasured'). If I learned anything at all during my 15 years reporting for UKN, it was that some things are better left off the archives....
Anyway, enough of the #disgraced journalist chat, let's get on with the priceless content. This week on 'the art review' (and yes, expect quotation marks until further notice, this is 'art' we are 'reviewing') I'm joined by the young musical trio Witch Ways. Whilst they made for pretty unresponsive interviewees, their tunes are still worth checking out (third mixtape dropping soon). Find the interview below.
Jojo Kingsley: How would you sum up Witch Ways for an uncultured swine? Asking for a friend.
V: Three girls make music in their bedroom
S: Three girls make music in their boredom
B: Three dumb broads making music in their breadbin
Jojo Kingsley: Right. And what about your sound? I'm getting a real dreamy teen bopper vibe.
B: Breadbin pop
Jojo Kingsley: Wow. That's radical. Like Claro? But like, for the bread enthusiasts out there?haha
B: no. not at all.
S: Yeah, Bria's gluten-free actually?
V: That's not cool, man
Jojo Kingsley: So you write really observational lyrics. I was wondering what you guys must read to get you into that headspace. Any books that have been particularly influential?
B: Fear and Bloating in Las Vegas
V: Yeah, that’s mine and Bria’s favourite when we are on tour
Jojo Kingsley: Cool, I’ve never heard of it. And Sofi? What’s your go-to book for when you’re on the road?
S: No, I never learned.
Jojo Kingsley: Right moving on. I wanted to talk a bit about your live shows. You seemed to have gained a real following from these alone, and rather than the stuff you put online, there’s a lot of talk about your stage antics. It’s funny, the first time I saw you guys play, Bria, you spent half the set on your back! What did that feel like?
B: Cramps
Jojo Kingsley: Wow, like ‘The Cramps’, sure. That’s an unexpected musical reference-
V: No, she means like stomach cramps
S: Our tour manager over-ordered sourdough for the rider
Jojo Kingsley: Crikey. The crowd were really into it anyway. Do you cater your lyrics to the gluten-free audience?
B: I don’t think you understand. It’s not a lifestyle brand we are trying to
promote here. We’re not pushing ideologies onto the people who come to our shows. Breadbin pop is the opposite of that. The total opposite.
S: Literally the total opposite
Jojo Kingsley: Sure, I hear what you’re saying. And so uh, to wrap things up shall we have a bit of a lyric swap for the folks at reading at home? This is the first ever edition of ‘the art review,’ right, so I thought it would be a fun little segway to ‘review’ some of the ‘art’ each week. Any favourite lyrics to offer?
V: Yeah, the last song on our first album would be a good one. One for all the yeasty bitches out there.
Jojo Kingsley: Could you, uh, sing me a bit, then?
V, S and B sing in harmony:
the fear of red, of love, of pain/ the fear you’ll never love again/
the fear of bread of love, of pain/ the fear you’ll never shit again-
Jojo Kingsley: Okay, I think that’s all we have time for this week. Thank you Witch Ways, thanks for explaining breadbin pop to us and all the best of luck to you. Their third home-recorded album “Echoes from the Breadbin” is available next week from soundcloud. Join me next time on ‘the art review’ where we will be discussing some more ‘art’. Until next time, I guess.